Faith

 When I was a kid and had trouble sleeping, my Maa would tell me to recite Hanuman Chalisa in my head. I don’t remember ever learning the Chalisa. It was one of those things that the mind never betrays to the even sheerest ravages of time or memories, but is still unable to stop at the exact step in the walk leading us to the present, to pinpoint where it was acquired. I would recite the entire Chalisa in my head. The words made little sense to me and I would imagine myself sifting the words in my head, leaving the words that I didn’t bother learning the meanings of on the perforated floor of the sieve and the mystery of those words would weigh down on my eyes until they drooped interminably.

The simplicity of my choice to believe that the words I had inadvertently taught myself would put me sleep still astonishes me. That choice was so blissfully free from all the ties that bound the words to what the adults around me fondly call Faith. Now our little friend Faith here is highly misunderstood. Or maybe it is just poorly understood. As I see it, Faith is the product of our need to have something greater then ourselves to believe in. To know that there is something greater than our mere flesh and bone holding the lid of the jar holding our soul closed. To know that there was something greater than us holding up the sky above our heads and it didn’t have a mind of its own to decide that it didn’t want to stay up any longer.

Faith, as I understand it, has a multifaceted personality. It is like a house that has been rented out to the entire universe and everybody in the universe has their own definition of Faith living inside it. These definitions were so multifarious that even our overburdened Faith has not been able to keep track. For some it was a flickering light in an ever darkening world, or a gleam of determination in a loved one’s eye or a bond of love, of friendship or sometimes even shining pieces of colourful stones. But then somewhere in the course of the universe, it could have been the beginning, middle or end of time (Faith’s house was particularly teeming at that moment to pay attention), a wholly unique and puzzling tenant applied for space. It was unusually distinct from all the other definitions that Faith had ever let live in its house. Its name was Religion.

Religion was just as multifarious as Faith, if not more. It had so many forms that it left Faith’s mind reeling and the peculiarity of this tenant remained uncontested in Faith’s mind. So Faith, after having seen so many people occupy their space in its house with the predictable, decided that it will see what shape this takes. As Faith observed, these people grew more peaceful, kinder, however, they also grew more dependent. Dependent upon their Faith for all that they believed was out of their grasp, for all that they couldn’t find reasons for.

As Faith followed its course, it saw Religion evolve. More accurately, it saw people’s dependence on Religion evolve. Faith saw no wrong in believing in Religion, what felt wrong to it was the fact that in doing so, they had forgotten what standing on their own feet and believing in themselves felt like. Faith found out that the people had made Religion out to be synonymous with operating theatre as if it was an impenetrable surgery room. Even more disturbing was the fact that these people knew nothing outside of those rooms, and what they knew, they considered diabolic. The heart of a person was thought to hold nothing but their Religion and what was unfortunate was that it was true at times. And when their hearts were so full of their own Religion, how could they make space for another? Hate brewed among the various Religions, the type of hate that takes birth from ignorance. Faith followed these events with growing sadness and saw what an innocent attempt to have something to rely on had contorted into something that at times could be so merciless that it would allow innocents to be killed if it was in the name of religion. It saw how people had trapped themselves inside a cage and greedily waited for more to join them. How they couldn’t see past the blindfold of bigotry they had created on their own.

Before Faith knew it, hate had given way to violence and the colourful painting that was Religion had been so covered with red that not even the brightest and the most vibrant colours could repaint it. Faith felt that Religion had turned into a family heirloom that had been passed down so many generations with such varying intentions that it’s true meaning had blurred out of existence—just like the photograph of the ancestor who originally brought it into the family. As it watched these events unfold, it had a myriad of thoughts. But the one that it couldn’t pack away under the weight of its memories is: when did people stop remembering that no matter what they put their Faith in, they were still that, people.

It doesn’t matter whom we devote our worship to, what matters is that all us are all worshiping for the same reason: to have faith. In the end, when we are ready to leave behind this world and descend into the unknown, the only fact that differentiates us from each other is not the God who receives our prayers but what the people that we have left behind will feel when look upon the life that we lived.